How to quit ‘should-ing’ all over yourself!

How to quit ‘should-ing’ all over yourself!

October 04, 2018

Guest blogger Ramone Bisset is back! Read on for some valuable advice on self-care, respect and aligning your values.  You will also find a link at the bottom of this page for a special discount for all Feather and Barb readers to this year's Yoga Big Day Out.

Language is a powerful thing. Since ancient times there have been systems that use mantra and prayer to manifest thoughts and feelings into life. Even now in your modern life, the words you choose reflect your thoughts and innermost desires. With more attention to the way you speak, you can gain some clues on what your intuition is really telling you… and then make choices that will guide you towards true life-satisfaction and contentment.

For example, have you ever found yourself thinking ‘Well, I should…’ and then not feeling very excited about actually doing whatever that ‘should’ might be? Have you ever stopped to think about where that ‘should’ really comes from?!

‘Should’ can be a dangerous word that keeps you tied to external or internal expectations. Often these expectations are either unrealistic (e.g. I ‘should’ go on this new diet because I want my body to look a particular way) or out of line with your most authentic self (e.g. I should study law because it will make my parents proud of me, despite the fact that in my heart I’m a dancer/artist/writer).

‘Should-ing’ all over yourself is a recipe for unhappiness, anxiety and constant feelings of inadequacy.

Getting rid of the ‘shoulds’ in your life can help you get to the bottom of your true drives, ambitions and choices so they’re more aligned and right for you, rather than steeped in guilt, anxiety and unfulfillable expectations.

Whilst there may be a hierarchy of ‘shoulds’ in life, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for brushing my teeth and paying my bills!, there’s also a healthy line where you can learn to discern between when you’re acting out of unhealthy expectations that limit or burden you and when you’re moving from a space of self love and authenticity.


 How will I know if I’m ‘should-ing’ all over myself?

Before you make your next decision, tap into how you really feel about what you want, need and think you ‘should’ do. What’s the source of your desire for action? Is it intrinsic, a drive that comes from within. If yes, is it authentic or is it rather something you’ve learned through familial, social or societal programming. If it’s extrinsic, a drive that’s coming from or imposed externally on you, it is probably never going to truly serve your happiness or contentment.

How does thinking about doing the thing you ’should’ make really you feel? Your body can often provide you with clues when your mind wants to play tricks on you!

  • Feelings that are light/powerful/connected/happy in your heart generally signal a HELL YES!
  • Feelings that are uneasy in your gut/coming only from your mind/raise a little (or a lot of!) fear are harder to discern. You have to sit with these feelings and be honest about whether the fear is that of changing, evolving and choosing something new. If it is, then it’s time to feel the fear and do it anyway! If it’s the other kind, where your intuition is giving you a hard no… then you have to let go of your ‘should’ to align with your true self.
  • And if you can’t figure out which is which, the only way to learn is to try!

Take some time this week to observe how often the word ‘should’ pops up in your thoughts and vocabulary this week, it might surprise you! These simple investigations can help you determine the roots of your convictions and help you choose your actions so they serve you in evolving to be the very best version of you!

If you want to learn more from Ramone you can join her in Canberra at The Yoga Big Day Out on Sunday 4 November at the Boat House by the Lake. Feather and Barb will be there with all our styles too so you can try and buy on the day! Use this link to access a special 10% discount on tickets - especially for Feather and Barb followers and only available until the end of this week!


Ramone is a soul seeking traveller with wunderlust at heart.  Her passion is to help you live a life that allows you to be wild, be wise and be well. Ramone has over 20 years experience in the health, wellness, and fitness industries, and is a certified Yoga Teacher, Thai Massage Therapist and Energetic healer.

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